Today, as I sit in the Chicago airport on a four hour layover after waking up at 3:30 in the morning to make it here, there are several things that I wish for.
These are not important things, perse. These are not things like world peace and the end of polio. These are just little things that I wish for sometimes, like when I'm sitting in the airport for four hours.
1. Airport sleeping compartments. What I wouldn't give for a little privacy and a bed right now. Something like the sleeping compartments on a train. You pay a little money, you get to use the sleeping compartment for four hours. I could take a nap. I could read. I could alternate between napping and reading and watching a movie on my computer in peace.
I cannot sleep sitting up -- can you sleep sitting up?
2. More leg room. Not just on planes, although that is very important. But more legroom, generally speaking. More legroom in the world. Who wants their legs to be smushed up near their collarbones? Clavicles and patellas were designed to be far apart. This is nature's intention. Why are we trying to defy the laws of nature?
Nothing good will come of it, I can assure you of that.
3. The Pneumatic Yarn Tube. Why isn't this built yet? I demand to know exactly what my tax dollars are going towards, if not a PYT? That's it, I'm writing a letter.
"Dear Barack Obama," my letter will say.
"I know being the president of the United States is a difficult job. Half the people in the world hate you, and the other half love you. I know there are entire cable networks devoted to little but discussing how you're doing. Back and forth, back and forth, you're horrific, you're fabulous, you're a train wreck, you're amazing, we hate you, we love you, on and on.
Which brings me to the topic of my letter: The Pneumatic Yarn Tube. Exactly when is it going to be functional? I know it will begin in Duluth, MN, but can you please elucidate the fiber world on where its first destination will be? If I may be so bold, sir, as to offer a suggestion: rural Canada is in dire need of the PYT. Packages take weeks, months, years, eons to get to rural Canada from the United States. The people of rural Canada are cold, and in need of soft, brightly colored wool with which to amuse and warm themselves.
I would like you to see that the PYT is completed before November 1st so that the good people of Canada -- nay, the world -- will benefit from the soft, brightly colored wool that will help usher in the era of peace and forgiveness as only wool can. Studies show that conflict, fighting, yelling, bombing, anger, and indigestion are all reduced in the presence of soft, brightly colored wool.
I also believe that if the PYT is completed on schedule, there will be praise and thanksgiving throughout the land, and you will take your place in yarn history as one of the primary benefactors of sheep, sheep's wool, fiber artists, dye, dyers, knitters, crocheters, weavers, and their mothers.
If it is of assistance, you may designate all of the Three Irish Girls corporate income tax revenue you receive towards the construction of the PYT.
Thank you for this prompt attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
Yarnista
P.S. I know you are well versed in the legal-ease in which I have composed this letter, but if this missive is being read by a college intern, what I am trying to say is, Hurry The Heck Up With The Pneumatic Yarn Tube. Please."
Those are my wishes on this early Monday morning in Chicago: sleeping compartments in airports, more room for kneecaps, and yarn that can be vacuum-sucked to the far reaches of the globe.