17 things i do not want to knit
Thursday, December 1, 2011 at 6:29PM The list of things I do want to knit is long, too long. I have now achieved QBLE status, or Queue Beyond Life Expectancy.
(QBLE is pronounced CUEble, by the way.)
(It's my acronym, and I'll QBLE if I want to.)
Sometimes QBLE can be overwhelming. I've tried the head-buried-in-sand approach. I've tried the slow-and-steady-wins-the-race tactic. I've even tried the tiring quick-like-a-bunny strategy. And I still have a QBLE.
So I've cooked up a new scheme. It calls for a shift of focus, from my QBLE to Things I Do Not Want to Knit.
Before we discuss them, let me preface this list with the following disclaimer.
The fact that I do not want to knit these items is not a reflection of the inherent talent or skill of the knitter. It does not mean that the person who did knit these is not a good person or that I do not like them. I am not making fun of the knitters who, in some cases, devoted many hours to devising a pattern and knitting the item.
I am merely stating my preference. That is all. It is not a value judgment of their humanity.
If you find that you DO want to knit these items, please be my guest. I hope you will enjoy doing it. Send me a picture when you're done. Amen.
1. I do not want to knit a pig surgical mask.
2. I do not want to knit a hooded, turtleneck, knee-length, fringed cape with matching pants.
3. I do not want to knit the characters from Angry Birds. In general, I do not want to knit angry things. Or things from a game from my phone.
4. I do not want to knit a Viking hat and beard. Especially because I live in Minnesota.
5. I do not want to knit a digestive system. Or a circulatory system, or a weather system. I have other things to knit besides systems.
6. I do not want to knit an alien purse.
7. I do not want to knit an eyeball doorknob cover. Keys in the eye are bad.
8. I do not want to knit a slouchy pumpkin -- or in this case, pampkin -- hat.
9. I do not want to knit a ski mask? Face protector? (What would you call this?) Regardless, not so much, no.
10. I do not want to knit this.
11. Or this.
12. I do not want to knit an "asimetrical" shrug-scarf such as this one. I just don't wear much in the "couture style," I'm sorry.
13. I don't really need any glingers.
14. Nor a fuzzy mohair light saber.
15. Turkey belongs in my belly. Not on my head.
16. I do not want to knit myself a ball and chain. I'm carrying around enough extra weight as it is.
17. And while I know how much work probably went into this Sponge Bob Square Pants hat, I really prefer head coverings that don't obstruct my eyes and nose. Or my brain.
Have you seen any other Things I Do Not Want to Knit? I can add it to my list when I need a break from my QBLE. And maybe I'll find an additional 17 Things I Do Not Want to Knit. Which can only make my QBLE smaller, right? Right.
Reader Comments (23)
It really should be a rule that you can't sell anything with an asymmetrical shape if you aren't capable of spelling asymmetrical.
That said, if I couldn't buy Angry Bird toys much cheaper (ha, I almost typed cheeper) and much more quickly than I can make them, I would be all. Over. Them.
I have no desire to knit a breast or a penis or even a willy warmer -- although there are no end of patterns for these and many of them free!
The picture with all of the ski masks is really haunting. *shudder*