Wednesday
Dec312008
2008: It’s been… a year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008 at 11:59AM
The internet is full of Year in Review articles, Best and Worst of 2008 articles, Top Ten News Stories of 2008 articles, Fifty Best Movies of 2008 articles, and Predictions for 2009 articles.
I'm going to save you some time. Then you'll have more time to knit or read blogs or whatever it is you like to do.
Here we are:
The economy sucks. The Feds should have seen it coming. They ignored the warning signs. People are being foreclosed on. Now is a good time to buy a house if you have good credit! Great deals abound! Buyer's market!
Movies were hit and miss. We got to see Meryl Streep dance to Abba and Tom Cruise wear an eye patch. Paris Hilton play a hottie in The Hottie and the Nottie. Shocking.
If you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. If you eat fewer carbs, you will lose weight. If you call Jenny (what are you waiting for?), you will lose weight. If you get Nutrisystem delivered to your home (the food is delicious! New choices like chocolate cake and cheeseburgers!), you will lose weight. If you join a gym, you will lose weight. If you eat low fat, you will lose weight. Splenda is made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar. If you do pilates, you can sculpt yourself slim. If you watch The Biggest Loser, you will lose weight. Diets Fail. Weight Watchers doesn't.
Terrorists are soon going to blow up something somewhere. We have people working on it, sit tight.
Women running for political office should not wink, speak with accents, moose hunt, or buy expensive clothes. They should also not wear too many pantsuits, be too articulate, seem unfriendly, or be married to former presidents. Men running for office should not be too old or too Republican. Minnesotans will elect -- or almost elect -- ANYONE. Including professional wrestlers and Saturday Night Live comedians.
Americans are good at swimming. Especially in the Olympics. That's because we have a lot of pools here. Other places don't have pools. It all makes sense.
People are not getting along in the Middle East.
Celebrities are still naming their babies odd things. Britney Spears is now on the good medication.
Gas prices rose and so did prices. Gas prices fell and so did prices.
Men can now give birth.
I have now saved you a large quantity of your most precious commodity: time. What did I miss? What 2008 stories deserve to be included in my "It's been... a year" list?
I'm going to save you some time. Then you'll have more time to knit or read blogs or whatever it is you like to do.
Here we are:
The economy sucks. The Feds should have seen it coming. They ignored the warning signs. People are being foreclosed on. Now is a good time to buy a house if you have good credit! Great deals abound! Buyer's market!
Movies were hit and miss. We got to see Meryl Streep dance to Abba and Tom Cruise wear an eye patch. Paris Hilton play a hottie in The Hottie and the Nottie. Shocking.
If you burn more calories than you consume, you will lose weight. If you eat fewer carbs, you will lose weight. If you call Jenny (what are you waiting for?), you will lose weight. If you get Nutrisystem delivered to your home (the food is delicious! New choices like chocolate cake and cheeseburgers!), you will lose weight. If you join a gym, you will lose weight. If you eat low fat, you will lose weight. Splenda is made from sugar, so it tastes like sugar. If you do pilates, you can sculpt yourself slim. If you watch The Biggest Loser, you will lose weight. Diets Fail. Weight Watchers doesn't.
Terrorists are soon going to blow up something somewhere. We have people working on it, sit tight.
Women running for political office should not wink, speak with accents, moose hunt, or buy expensive clothes. They should also not wear too many pantsuits, be too articulate, seem unfriendly, or be married to former presidents. Men running for office should not be too old or too Republican. Minnesotans will elect -- or almost elect -- ANYONE. Including professional wrestlers and Saturday Night Live comedians.
Americans are good at swimming. Especially in the Olympics. That's because we have a lot of pools here. Other places don't have pools. It all makes sense.
People are not getting along in the Middle East.
Celebrities are still naming their babies odd things. Britney Spears is now on the good medication.
Gas prices rose and so did prices. Gas prices fell and so did prices.
Men can now give birth.
I have now saved you a large quantity of your most precious commodity: time. What did I miss? What 2008 stories deserve to be included in my "It's been... a year" list?
in Chit Chat
Chit Chat 
Reader Comments (4)
Nice summation.
Ha ha!!
My additions:
I don't care who answers the Red Phone at 3am so long as it doesn't wake me up.
Shoes = W M D
but, seriously, I am really going to miss Paul Newman.
Happy New Year, Love and Peace.
Haahahaaha, thanks!! Sums up all of 2008!
Thanks for one of the best reviews out there!