Things I love and hate, simultaneously, at the same time, concurrently.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012 at 5:42PM Perhaps it shall become an early January tradition to write about things I both love and hate. I wrote about it last January, here.
Nearly a year has passed, and I have so many more things to love and hate that it's time for a new installment.
So, if you'll permit me, it's time for the annual
Things I love and Hate, Simultaneously, At the Same Time, Concurrently List
1. Photoshop
Photoshop, I love you. You let me get rid of pieces of lint on a sweater whose picture is slated for publication.
Photoshop, I hate you. You suck all of my non-existent time.
Photoshop, I love you. You make the world a prettier place.
Photoshop, I hate you. You give us complexes about our cellulite and upper arm flab. You create freaks of nature with your cloning and your head swaps and your layer masks. You don't play fair.
But I still love you.
And I also kind of hate you. Both. At the same time.
2. Any of the TV shows about hoarding.
Train wreck is the only way to describe these. So utterly repulsive and yet, fascinating.
When I see it, my mind is filled with questions. Mostly questions like,
How?
HOW?
HOW????
And occasionally,
WHAT?
As a person who naturally tends to collect and accumulate things, this assuages my deepest fears about myself. When I see it, I know for sure that I am not a hoarder. And that makes me feel better for about 43 seconds.
My mind then returns to
HOW????
And, For the love of God, what is going on?
Have you seen the episode with the person whose home was filled with rats?
I am not making this up.
I hate it, because it makes me feel nauseated.
I love it, because it makes me feel less bad about the eleven skeins of yarn I'm currently "storing" on top of my bedroom dresser.
I hate it, because I feel bad for the people and their families who are living this way.
And yet, it puts my disorganized entry closet into perspective.
3. Grapefruit juice
I hate the taste of it.
But I can't stop drinking it.
I drink it every day.
Just a little, because I hate the taste, see?
It's not some health kick or some belief that there are magical grapefruit properties.
I can't explain it.
What is it, grapefruit? How can I hate your taste and feel compelled to drink you every day?
Think of the ills I could cure in the world if I could bottle the, "I hate this thing that is good for me, but I feel compelled to do it regularly" phenomenon.
The world would be gingivitis free, I can promise you that.
4. Pink velvet pants
I own pants a lot like these. Except they don't have an elastic waist.
They're basically pink velvet stretch jeans.
And they're hideous. I bought them at Gap on super amazing clearance.
And they're comfortable.
And they make me look ridiculous.
And I don't care.
And I used to wear them all the time.
And one of my teaching colleagues used to make fun of me all the time.
I think it was because of the pants.
They're now covered in paint and held up with a yarn belt that I made by cutting open a skein of yarn and threading 30 strands through the belt loop. (Kieran on Lindon, if you must know.)
And I hate them. And love them. Both. Simultaneously.
5. Post It Notes
I will only buy this kind -- the super sticky recycled variety. Not that brand loyalty is one of my best consumer traits or anything.
I love them because they are infinitely useful.
I hate them because they are infinitely losable.
One of my favorite things to do with these is clean my computer keyboard. After I turn the keyboard over and shake and bang all of the crumbs out, I take the sticky end of one of these babies and run it between the keys. It is extremely satisfying and repulsive. You have no idea how much food, lint, and hair is in your keyboard. Try it.
I hate them because once I started cleaning my keyboard, I can't stop, and soon I've used half a pad of sticky notes getting the garbage out from between the keys.
It's an excellent way to feel productive while on the telephone.
It's also an excellent way to procrastinate. Who needs to keep rats from gnawing up the carpet when you can be cleaning in between the keys on your keyboard?*
Who needs to remove the three year old milk cartons from the refrigerator when you can use recycled paper to remove innocuous toast crumbs from the innermost recesses of your typing instrument?**
WHO?
WHO???
So. There you have it. Things I love and hate, simultaneously, at the same time, concurrently.
And that's all I have to say about that.
*Except this: there are no rats in my house.
**And this: I promptly recycle my milk cartons, thank you very much.
Reader Comments (6)
I once used a DPN to clean between the keys on my keyboard. I had a little pile of short, grey cat hair that was repulsive and oooh so satisfying. I totally get the "I hate this but can't stop" thing. I even tried again a couple weeks later and was disappointed when nothing turned up. At that point I decided I need to knit at the computer less often.
I'll have to try that on my keyboard. I don't think I'll try the pink jeans, the grapefruit juice, or the rats.
As I sit here in my pajama jeans (don't hate) I can't help but wonder if the pink velvet pants could be even more comfortable. Doubtful.
I feel exactly the same way about those hoarding shows. Repulsed and enthralled. They do motivate me to clean though... Not that I have 357 cats or anything like that.
I've never seen one of those hoarding shows. Just the photos repulse me. I can only imagine actually watching a camera panning over. The question in my mind isn't "how?", but "why?".
ugh! Ugh! UGH! Those rats give me the shivers. I have known real hoarders in my life (I'm related to a couple of them) and they don't see it as an icky mess, it's treasure that "might be valuable some day." My house is not close to perfect, but the hate/love repulse/fascinate thing about those hoarding shows gets me too. Even when it's so vile I hide my face in my shirt until hubby tells me it's okay to look.
As to comfy clothes: My wardrobe. Period. Do I look good? nope. Do I care? Nope (well, a little.)