knitting truths from snooki
Monday, September 10, 2012 at 6:36PM Sometimes I just want to knit awesome things. Things that will make people stop me on the street and say, "Where did you get that GORGEOUS sweater?" So then I can reply, "Oh this? I made it."
Then they can fawn all over me and make me feel like a knitting goddess.
But let's face it. If people are staring at me, it's not because of my knitting. It's more likely that they want to talk about me being tall, or about the fact that my lipstick is too dark or my hair needs fixing.
And often, my knitting goes awry. I get derailed by stinky knitting needles and lose sight of my desire to be a knitting deity.
I start out thinking my knitting rocks, and within short order am saying aloud,
My bronzer is leaking off my face.
After I read the book Sweater Quest, I thought, "I am going to knit me an Alice Starmore Tudor Rose sweater like that girl Adrienne Martini."
And that's exactly how I said it too. "I am going to knit me an Alice Starmore Tudor Rose sweater like that girl Adrienne Martini."
Reality set in. I was not going to spend a year knitting a sweater that, while stunning, is more of a museum piece than a wearable garment. (Why is reality always late to the party? Why can't reality be freakishly early?)
I'm probably not even going to spend a year knitting something I'll wear every day. I just don't have it in me.
What exactly am I hoping to accomplish, I asked myself. What am I trying to achieve that has eluded me thus far?
My ultimate dream is to move to Jersey and find a nice, juiced, hot, tanned guy and live my life.
And wool will just not fit in on Jersey Shore. It's too natural.
Last November, after a string of knitting failures, my family and I took a vacation to Florida.
Isn't that where all families with small children pilgrimage to? The Mecca of the Mouse? I distinctly remember asking Twitter what I should bring to knit. "Nothing," a lot of Twitter said. "You will be too tired."
I didn't listen to Twitter. I brought an entire bag of knitting, got on the plane, and said to the flight attendant,
I am so excited because we are going to see the crocadillies!
She nodded politely. I'm quite certain she thought, "Wow, she is a knitting goddess."
I mean, what else could she think?
I got nothing knit on that trip. Fine, Twitter. You were right.
I'm now at a knitting impasse, with a sweet new baby and 12 hour workdays.
I love my life, but sometimes I have those Calgon moments, where I just want to be swept away to a remote location that is silent and full of mangoes.
I wanna go on a boat, an island...filled with gorillas.
Correction: gorillas on a quiet island who think I'm a knitting goddess.
Reader Comments (12)
You Crack ME UP !!
LOL omg that was awesome.
I also wish I could make wonderful things that people will just stop walking to come ask me about. But alas life gets in the way.
I travel for work and every single week I carry a current project (one of many of course that will never get finished) plus a few extra skeins of other yarn because what if I end up with so much time that I FINISH my current project and then have nothing to work on??!?! I MUST have enough yarn to work on at least two more things because I'll probably finish those too! Of course, at the end of the week, my little project bag is lugged through airports again, most of the time not getting opened even once.
Mwahahahaha!!! I'm laughing so HARD right now. I always bring too much knitting!
Ah, Snooki. She brings alive the wonderful adage, "if you can't be a good example, you should at least try to be a spectacular warning."
Ahahaha! Love it! Spectacular warning!
Snooki made it into the Yarnista's blog. I don't know if I can stand it, I really don't. Not even my fluffy world of wooly goodness has escaped her poofed couture clutches.
;)
Mitt Romney is a Snooki fan...I wonder if he knits?
Questions to ponder!
Oh my goodness.. there should have been a warning - "Do not drink coffee while reading this post as you will choke from laughter and spit out your coffee, all of which will result in a near death experience for you and your computer."
Hahaha! Thank you for the visual, Amy! And sorry about that!
Snooki wants you to knit that sweater. I'm just sayin'.
FInd this post I am fairly sure has just made my day.